Overcompensating for OCD

So much about living with OCD is about not doing what our minds tell us we have to do. If I listened to mine all the time, I'd have to check that I haven't offended a friend. I'd have to apologize again.

I'd have to get the medical test done to make sure I'm healthy. I'd have to explain myself repeatedly to make sure I'm understood.

If not, anxiety and panic ensue. But when I get in a rhythm of saying no to my mind, it can actually be satisfying to deprive myself of this pressure.

It's part of why Exposure and Response Prevention works for some people: We expose ourselves to what makes us anxious in order that the response, the panic, subsides with repetition. And for me it does, when I work with my therapist and support group.

But suppose you have hoarding issues (patterns that are closely related to OCD). Maybe you collect everything you can find--plastic bags, Tupperware containers, pens and pencils, old keys, anything--for no real reason other the paralyzing fear that these items will go to waste.

Maybe you're afraid that letting go of these things, if it really does mean you're being wasteful, will make you a bad person. This obsession with pragmatism has your house brimming with stuff you'll never use, and you can't find the articles you actually need.

So you're this person, and say a friend offers to help you by having a yard sale. (This is really tempting for you because you've been trying to work on the hoarding for your own sake, and the clean-up for practicality's sake.)

But here's the question: You know that if you have a yard sale, you're bound to find shoppers who will buy what you have. If someone buys the pens he's probably restocking a home office. If someone buys the keys she needs them for a craft project. The items are being used, not wasted.

But are you really confronting your OCD if you're ultimately satisfying the same goal that has you hung up--absolute practicality at any cost? Aren't you just feeding the fear?

My answer to this question is: "Stop thinking!" You're taking it too far. Maybe it's a little perfectionism setting in. In any case, it's keeping you from being productive and actually making progress at cleaning your house.

The question persists: If you were REALLY trying to practice ERP, wouldn't you throw everything away, in the trash, where it's certain nobody would ever find a use for your discards? Maybe. But that's just doing the opposite for opposite's sake. If you struggled with contamination, the tenets of ERP wouldn't require you to drink urine, would they?

We don't need to overcompensate for OCD. We just need to find our comfort zones...the place where healthy minds of the world function every day.

The New International OCD Foundation

You may not know it, but there is an organization out there that was created especially for us! It's called the International OCD Foundation, (formerly the Obsessive Compulsive Foundation). There are even local affiliates across the country. Here is a brief look into what the foundation can do for you:

1. Find out how you can participate in OCD research. The International OCD Foundation posts information on clinical studies on its website. They aim to find answers on hoarding, body dysmorphic disorder, obsessions, compulsions, and the like. See how you can be a part of the research.
2. Find a treatment provider. The organization has compiled a list of doctors who treat OCD and related disorders. While they have not evaluated the effectiveness of the providers, it is a good place to start your own investigation into finding some help. Find a doctor in your area, or search intensive treatment programs by state.
3. Find a support group. I used the OC Foundation to find my support group, and I have already testified to the benefits I've experienced by going--accountability, objectivity, and community. Here's how the International OCD Foundation can help you find a support group of your own.
4. Learn more about OCD. There's advice for parents of children with OCD, a list of books on OCD, and links to other websites and foundations. Visit http://www.ocfoundation.org/ to see what's there.
5. Support the foundation. If you find the organization helpful or want to help fulfill its mission, make a donation or become a member.

Vote for Me, Please!

I've entered Wellsphere's Health Blogger Awards Competition. If you vote for me, and ask your other OCD friends to vote for me (if you like my blog, of course) I could be one of the top 100 people's health bloggers in the Wellsphere community!


Unfortunately since my site is anonymous, I can't send links out to family members like other bloggers can (and will), but that's a self-imposed handicap and I'll take it if I have to.


Click the button in the sidebar to cast your vote! It's much appreciated! Or, if you REALLY love me, and you have a website of your own, here's a link to my profile page at Wellsphere where there are instructions for posting your very own badge: http://www.wellsphere.com/bloggerSupporters.s?personId=148887


(If you haven't checked out Wellsphere, there's a wealth of knowledge there and it's growing daily at http://www.wellsphere.com/.)

OCD through My Husband's Eyes

A blog post written by bloggerwithocd's husband

So, my wife asked me to write a blog post for her about what it’s like to be married to someone with OCD. She jokingly said I could write about “how I put up with her.” In reality, it is a joy and a privilege to be married to such a glowing, caring, loving woman. For the vast majority of our time together, OCD has no negative effects and, as my wife alluded to in an earlier post, I believe that it benefits our relationship. We love to be goofy together, and I know that her non-linear thinking leads to a lot of laughter for us. Moreover, living with someone with OCD has taught me many things, both about the condition and about myself.

My wife revealed that she had OCD relatively early in our relationship, but it was hard to know what that meant, exactly. People say “Oh, I’m so OCD” so much that it’s easy to forget that OCD is an actual medical condition. That is unfortunate to me, and it seems to be in keeping with our culture’s inability to really address mental or emotional disorders. No one would ever say “Oh, that broken leg is just in your head. Get over it.” But people will cavalierly dismiss things like OCD without any thought.

One thing that I realized about eight months into our married life is how real and how potentially debilitating OCD can be. As my wife discussed in an earlier post, she had a difficult period in 2008 where she couldn’t sleep, could barely eat, and simply wasn’t functioning like she normally does. It was the first time that I experienced the power that OCD can have over someone, and I was simply overwhelmed. I had no idea how to help her, and when we were ultimately sitting in the emergency room at 1:00 AM, I realized that OCD needs to be treated, and treated aggressively, the same way you would address any chronic medical condition. Since that time, I think that I’ve gotten better at helping her address OCD problems. I try to help her confront issues, and to provide reassurance while at the same time trying not to enable any irrational needs or affirmations. At least, I hope I help sometimes. But the reality of OCD has made me more attuned and more sympathetic to others who struggle with the same or similar conditions.

Another striking aspect of OCD is its ability to surprise. There are certain things that I’ve come to expect from OCD and situations that I know are going to trigger OCD anxiety (leaving appliances on, dangerous driving, etc.). But then, I go to a session with my wife and her therapist, and I find out that there were days over the past week where my wife would gag when eating meals because of an OCD-related worry. It’s an issue that I hadn’t noticed, and a trigger that I didn’t even know existed. I’m someone who generally prefers to be on an even keel, and having such surprises can be jarring. But they have taught me to pay closer attention to my wife. It can be easy to respond to a question like “Did we shut off the stove?” with a “Yes,” and not even realize that this is an OCD-related worry. OCD encourages me to observe my wife more closely. And, I hope, it also encourages me to pay closer attention (and have greater appreciation) for the details of my daily life.

Finally, OCD has the capacity to frustrate. It obviously frustrates my wife, but it frustrates me sometimes as well. In particular, she has a bad habit of picking her nails and the skin around them. We all have nervous tics – I, like my grandfather and other male relatives, will rapidly bounce my knee up and down if I’m nervous and sitting. But my wife will pick her fingernails even when we’re in relaxed settings, like just watching TV together or having dinner with family. The message that sends to me is: “I can’t shut this off. There’s always something that I’m worrying about, even subconsciously.” That’s sad to me. She asks me to stay on her to catch her when she’s doing it, but no luck. The picking itself doesn’t bother me as much as the fact that it seems to represent a constant uneasiness. I feel like scolding her to stop picking isn’t really addressing the underlying worries.

In reaction to these frustrations, however, I think I’m slowly learning to be more loving. My wife is very naturally compassionate, and while I am to a degree, I can also be dismissive. Living with OCD in my spouse can help to push past superficial irritations or anger, and into more caring, connected relationships.

My wife and her OCD have taught me a lot in our first few years of marriage. I look forward to learning more in the years to come.

If you are the spouse or friend of someone with OCD, and you have questions for Husband, please post below. All replies to this post from Bloggerwithocd (with the exception of the first two) will be from him.

Escaping an OCD Exposure?

The other night my husband and I were trying to figure out what to watch on tv. We just got a bunch more channels than we need when we subscribed to a new cable service, so the options seemed infinite.

He was scrolling the channel guide when something caught my eye: "The Monsters Inside Me." Yes! Let's watch that! A show about parasites that grow inside people and the catastrophic events that follow. Perfect!

He was disgusted.

Only I wasn't kidding. I really did want to watch this show. Things like this always intrigue me: "Terror in the E.R.," "Rescue 911--" the types of shows where people narrowly escape death thanks to some supernatural force or a doctor's revelation. So he gave in and we flipped to that station.

I could only stomach 3 minutes. The episode was about a boy and a parasite that crawled into his brain. (We didn't watch long enough to hear how.) Immediately I felt my anxiety level climb. I didn't want to worry that this could happen to me or someone I love. "Maybe I shouldn't be watching this," I said, and my husband clicked back to the channel guide.

Whew. It was over. I didn't have to think about it anymore. The images of the boy in the hospital bed and the uncertainty about whether I could encounter parasites were both gone.

But then I thought, could this have been an exercise in exposure? Might it have been good for me to put up with this stress for the sake of learning that I can't hide from everything that scares me? OCD exposures are about "sitting with" the anxiety, and understanding that it's normal. In the grand scheme of exposures, for me they're about being able to maintain calm when uncertainty arises.

Sometimes, I admit, I'm lazy about exposures. When I'm feeling generally ok, when OCD thoughts are at a minimum, I fool myself into thinking I don't need them. Was this one of those times?

What do you think--should I have kept watching? What would you have done?

Hosting a Party: OCD Exposures en Masse

This weekend we're having a gathering at our house. There will be lots of people--family, friends, maybe neighbors--more visitors than we've ever hosted here. Am I nervous? Not really. But will there be exposures? Mmmmm, yep. Here's what I'm doing to keep OCD from crashing the party.

• I'm stopping obsessions before the first guest arrives. If I'm feeling the tug of irrational fears today, I'm working hard to squash them before the weekend. I've had intrusive thoughts about the pesticides I use on my landscaping, and of course I've mentioned the occasional nagging cooking ritual. If I'm planning on wearing a dress, baking cookies, and playing music, why wouldn't I plan on thinking positive thoughts?
• I'm committing to keeping busy. It's hard to talk to everyone, but it's easy when I have an excuse to: If I stay moving, I'll move quickly away from the OCD thoughts that might interfere with my good time. Whether I'm preparing snacks, holding a baby, or just sitting and chatting, I want to keep myself distracted from OCD.
• I'm not going to plan conversations. I've already said I have a lot to plan, but a person with relationship OCD like myself should not try to map out where conversations will go. I might say something embarrassing. I might offend someone. Yes, it's possible. I accept that.
• I'm not going to be surprised. If any of the above does not work out as I hope it to, I won't be surprised. Every time I let OCD surprise me I'm in for some trouble. I'm ready if the stress of the situation, the excitement of entertaining so many guests, and, by the time the evening winds down, fatigue leave me vulnerable.

And then again it might be a splendid, OCD-free evening! Here's to hopin'.

The Flip Side: How OCD Can Be a Good Thing

Last year, before I started this OCD blog, I attended a lecture about the disorder. Most of the discussion centered around Martin Luther and his struggles with scrupulosity, which, incidentally, is a fascinating (and for me, relatable) subject.*

The conversation returned to this century when someone asked about OCD and work ethic. The presenter, laughing, exclaimed, "My OCDers are some of the best workers ever!" I think I actually laughed, too.

It's true that OCD affects my work ethic, among other parts of my life. I thought it time to count my blessings.

One necessary, precursory caveat: Sure, OCD was nothing I chose, just as I didn't choose any of my innate characteristics. Therefore, I'm not going so far as to be proud of my condition, as if I've accomplished a great feat in having it. I'm merely pointing out that nothing, no matter how hard, is all bad. Here's why that's true for my life:

• I apologize when I'm wrong. When obsessive compulsive disorder did what it's named for, i.e. throwing my life into chaos, I tried to get a hold of the intrusive thoughts that came with it. If I couldn't, I could at least feel guilt for them, which taught me what an apology really is, and when it's necessary. If I've hurt you or wronged you, you can be sure that I am comfortable humbling myself to ask for your forgiveness.
• I DO have an excellent work ethic. My job requires me to check things, and make sure they're correct. Guess what? I'm really, really good at it! Even better, this kind of controlled checking teaches me to be mindful, giving me daily practice at understanding how much is reasonable and how much is unrealistic perfection. Beyond checking, though, I have an honest desire to be good at everything I do. Again, an exercise in limits, but still.
• I think about things others don't. Whether it's tackling a problem or relating to another person, I do things a little differently. I posted before about my non-linear thinking, but there's more. Maybe it's akin to magical thinking, but I often make mental connections that aren't obvious to most other people.

If you and I have similar obsessions and compulsions, maybe these things are true for you, too. Do you care about people's feelings? Then love well. Show it, even to strangers. Are your thoughts a little off-kilter? Find a career that welcomes quirky creativity. If you haven't ever seen the other side of OCD, here's your challenge: In what ways has OCD made you who you are? How has it made you better?

Now, in the words of an old friend, I'll catch ya on the flip side.

*If you're interested in people in history who have OCD/scrupulosity, put John Bunyan on your list, too.